I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
