It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I think people are normalizing furries
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
