you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
