Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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