real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
