I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
