Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
