oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
