im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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