Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
