You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
