But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
