the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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