I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
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