a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
