drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
