you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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