Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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