the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Holy sore nipples Batman
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize