so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
These tits shall not be calmed
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
