Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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