This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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