Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
