Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
