I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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