Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
