I just made out with a guy for $7.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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