remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
