I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
