Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
