I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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