it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
