just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
