My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
