we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
