how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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