Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Randomize
