If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
