He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
