got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
