doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
