so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
