so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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