I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
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