can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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