we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
