Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
