dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
