I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
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