oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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