like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
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