no, he came in my armpit
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
