why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
