Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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