I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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