A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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