Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
