You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize