Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
