no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
