If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
