carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
then he tried to convert me to islam
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
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