I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
