But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
