remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
