Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Randomize
