I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
We have so much sex to catch up on
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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