i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
